Brown Eyes and Four Eyes
by horseluvr4
Summary: Tina dyes her hair back to black for "Born This Way", but she can't shake the feeling she's doing it for the wrong reason. Artie/Tina in honor of Tartie Week. Please R&R!


A/N: This is my first _Glee_ fanfiction—I've been reading them for a loooong time now, but I've only just ventured into writing fanfiction (with season two of the _Glee Project_). Tartie was my first OTP and will always be, and I thought I'd honor Tartie Week with a fanfic. This has been in my head for a while now since seeing "Born This Way"; sorry if you like Mike, but I thought Mike's unnecessary comment to Tina at the beginning of the episode was unacceptable. Also, why is it that Artie gets hate every time he's the slightest bit inconsiderate but Mike is so easily forgiven for the same thing? Hello, "Props"? Pet peeve. Anyway, slight AU bits in the flashback. Please let me know your thoughts!

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own _Glee_. I have, however, borrowed some of its lines from "The Power of Madonna" and "Born This Way".

_ "Self-hating Asian."_

Tina stared at her reflection in the mirror in the girls' bathroom, tilting her head and watching herself blink back at her. Her brown eyes skimmed over the familiar features framed by neat pigtails that she had just curled, frowning at herself for still expecting to see strands of bright colour in her now jet-black hair. No, she was being a new person. One who loved herself, one who embraced even the parts of herself she couldn't change.

The girl in the mirror looked wholly unconvinced.

Her hand itched for the hair dye sitting innocently on her shelf, back in the haven of her room. She didn't have Glee until the end of the day, and her parents were at work. She could zip back home in what remained of her free period, dye some strands, and come back without anyone noticing. If she wanted to.

She sighed, gripping the rim of the sink with her hands and repeating the mantra she had mentally chanted whilst dyeing her hair back to black the night before.

_ This was what I want. This is a step to self-acceptance. This is about facing my demons._

Why, then, did it feel so much like she was going through the motions to gain Mike's approval? As if she was merely caving to his wishes, his preconception of who she ought to be?

_"Is that why you're wearing blue contacts today, Tina?"_

How many times did she have to prove herself to a guy before she put her foot down?

_ "My new motto is 'Be the change you want to see in the world.'"_

No more wallowing, she thought grimly, tucking her hair behind her ears and squaring her shoulders. She was doing this for herself.

Mostly.

Heart hammering, she pushed open the door, peering out warily before deciding the coast was clear and heading to the library. There was no one in the corridor, but she felt jittery, each step feeling heavy. Her black hoodie was still zipped up so that no one could read what her T-shirt said, but the knowledge of the block letters printed boldly on it made her feel practically naked.

Tina reached her locker and spun the combination with well-practiced ease. She sagged against the cool metal for a moment, her forehead gently resting against the inside of the locker door, before she drew back, looking at the photo she had stuck on it of her and Mike, grinning broadly at the camera. Usually she thought it was one of the cutest photos she had of the two of them—it was a simple shot that Mercedes had snapped of them in the choir room, Mike wrapping his arms around her from behind and resting his chin against her shoulder—but for some reason the first thought that sprang into her mind now was how claustrophobic she looked.

She dimly registered the familiar squeaking of wheels before she realised it had come to a stop beside her. She jerked her gaze away from the photo, embarrassed that she had been caught gaping blankly at it, the movement sending her pigtails flying.

She heard a quick, startled intake of breath.

"Oh, Tina," Artie said quietly, and the sorrow in his voice made her flinch.

She closed her eyes for a moment before she turned to look at him, sitting there in his wheelchair wearing his favorite blue striped vest, one gloved hand in his lap, the other still on the wheel. She forced herself to meet his blue eyes and almost choked at the sight: they were solemn as they regarded her gently, and the sheer sympathy in them almost masked the hint of pain. Almost.

They brought back the screaming pangs of _wrong wrong wrong_ bubbling within her to the surface with a force.

When she spoke, she didn't recognize how defeated she sounded. So weary.

"Don't, Artie."

* * *

_ Even after Tina had sealed her forgiveness with a kiss, she noticed that the look of sadness in Artie's expressive eyes still hadn't faded._

_ "What's wrong?" she asked, sitting back on the piano stool. The last week had been awful, culminating in her angry, very public outburst in the hallway; she cringed slightly, remembering how everyone had stared to see the quiet resident Goth yell. She had no idea where that rage had come from, but she had been desperate to make the Artie she knew and liked come back to her. The Artie who didn't judge her, the Artie who complimented her on the new accessories she added to her wardrobe every time they went to the mall. The Artie who liked what she wore._

_ "I just can't believe I've been so stupid this week. After our fight over your stutter, I should've known better." Artie's voice was remorseful, easing the sting of the reminder of their last big argument._

_ "It's OK, you already apologized," Tina reassured him lightly, but he shook his head fiercely._

_ "No, Tee, it's not. It's more than just your clothes, it's you. I know Kurt's the one who's obsessed with designers, but you express yourself with your clothes too. But they don't just proclaim who you are, they're your haven, and I tried to take that away from you."_

_ Tina looked at him, puzzled._

_ Artie reached over to take her hands, his eyes earnest._

_ "They make you feel safe. Because you _choose_ to wear them, proudly, and you'd rather someone make fun of you for your clothes than just of you. They protect you." She felt her eyes misting over again at the truth in his halting words as he took a deep breath._

_ "I was trying to make you feel more confident, and I thought if you tried to blend in by wearing what the others do here, you would, because you hate the attention, being singled out. But it was the wrong way to do it." He looked up at her, his mouth quirking up in a sad smile._

_ "I'm sorry I made you feel more vulnerable instead."_

_ Tina sat there, stunned, as she let his explanation wash over her. She had thought he had just been trying to be "cool" like the other guys now in Glee: she had tried to brush it off at first, excusing him for being understandably star-struck, but she had never thought this had been the reasoning behind his sudden transformation into a classic jerk._

_ "Just talk to me before you pull something like this, OK? We're best friends, Artie, and you know me better than anyone. I know you want to solve everything for me, and it's sweet, but really, there are some things I have to work through on my own. Just like you do," she said finally, squeezing his hands._

_ He laughed hollowly, the mirth not reaching his eyes._

_ "Just so you know, if you tell me to stop dyeing my hair or something, I'll pull out my righteous blade of equality," she said teasingly, and she smiled, seeing his eyes light up this time._

_ "Duly noted." _

_ He hesitated._

_ "Don't ever feel like you have to appease me, or anyone, Tee. I mean it. And I'll come to my senses eventually. Just promise me you'll yell instead of staying silent." His pleading eyes pierced through her, and she nodded seriously._

_"I promise."_

* * *

"Tee," Artie said softly, and the broken sound of her nickname, the one she hadn't heard in months after she had dumped him, made her stomach twist. They hadn't had a meaningful conversation in months either, skating on their shaky ice of undeclared peace.

She knew without asking that he was thinking about that moment in the choir room, more than a year ago. She also knew that he knew she was breaking the promise she had made to him that day. The promise she had made to herself.

The words that she should say, that she should've been able to say, seemed to be stuck in her throat.

She couldn't lie to him. She never could.

_"I love you so much right now."_

With Artie here, she couldn't tell herself that she wasn't changing herself to be the perfect girlfriend for Mike. She felt a stab of irritation at how steady he was, how much he knew himself, how cookie-cutter perfect he was for being so confident in himself.

_"Self-hating Asian."_

His words were seared in her mind, a loud banner blocking all other thoughts until they were only buzzing indistinguishably in the background.

"I'll see you in Glee," Tina murmured, turning back to her locker and pulling some books haphazardly from it. She closed her locker, and the sound reverberated around the empty hallway like a gunshot.

Even with her back turned, she could still feel his eyes trained on her.

"Please, Artie," she whispered, breaking the silence when he didn't move.

"Just…it should never be an obligation," Artie said finally, and she nodded jerkily, staring at her hand over the locker door, pressing it closed.

There was another pause before she heard the faint wisp of a sigh, and the sound of his wheels as he left.

* * *

Tina was half-heartedly listening to Mercedes' excited chattering as they walked down to their lockers together after their History class, still feeling subdued from the encounter with Artie a few hours ago.

She opened her locker absent-mindedly to shove her bag inside, when a piece of lined notepaper, wedged firmly into the door, fluttered to the bottom of the locker. A side-glance showed her that Mercedes was busily arguing with Kurt on her other side, so she opened the note curiously.

_ "I still want to solve everything for you, but I know you'll do it on your own. I've always believed in you."_

It was unsigned, but the familiar scrawl was unmistakably Artie's.

* * *

It was with a bright smile and the note hidden in her pocket that Tina strutted to the front of the stage for her solo later in the afternoon, basking in the glory of the lights with Mercedes and Kurt by her side.

She snuck a quick look at Artie when he shed his vest, revealing his T-shirt, and the sheer determination in his eyes as their eyes met made her breath catch. She knew he understood her wordless thanks when he gave her one of his wide grins in return.

As she unzipped her hoodie and tossed it off the stage, Tina Cohen-Chang thought she had never felt more beautiful.

_"You shouldn't change unless you want to."_


End file.
